New Groundskeeper

There was outcry from the players this week over the state of the Steampackets’ pitch, pictured. A new groundskeeper has recently been hired and there have been doubts as to his ability.

Treasurer Kim Mazaraki, who is currently conducting research into international pitches, was given free reign with company funds to hire the new keeper. “This guy had done a sterling job on Telstra Dome and he said that he was confident that he could bring a little bit of that magic to the Steampackets,” said Mazaraki in a phone interview. “Personally I think it looks great, just like the pitches they have here in Dubai.”

“I don’t know what to say,” said one anonymous player, when asked about the state of the pitch. “I haven’t actually played in a few months, so I can’t really comment.” When asked why he chose to be interviewed on this particular topic he simply replied, “I always wanted to be interviewed for the telly. This is going on the telly isn’t it?”

Another, more useful, player said, “We thought the new ball was hard, but this is ridiculous. Now when Vale kicks the ball it goes so far that we have to get a lift with the helicopter guy just so we can get it back.”

Of course the Steampackets management are doing everything they can to shift the blame. “It’s all to do with the water restrictions,” said President Adrian Dillon, in one of his more lucid moments. “Apparently we can only water on days that match our address, and so we’re waiting until the Steampacket Parkth of October.”

If you like it hard and fast, then come down to Steampacket Park on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Rob Jennings,

Steampackets Media Liaison.

The Callista Steampackets: Skill is not an Option