Steampackets Expansion

In a ground-breaking move, the Dollar$hop Steampackets FC, who has up until now limited itself to one sport (although some would argue that even this is not strictly true), has decided to branch out.

Tomorrow will see the first of possibly many “one-off” games of Beach Volleyball played under the proposed new banner of the Steampackets Sports Club.

Club President, Adrian Dillon, had this to say during his interview on last night’s episode of An Affair Tonight. “Moving from a football team into a fully functional sports club was always going to be an option for us. We’ve opened the Volleyball invitation to everyone, not just existing Steampackets, and we’re hoping that the Sports Club will give the Steampackets a wider appeal. I’ve ordered some poker machines, and we’ve got Jennings working on a “Tuesday Night is Schnitzel Night in our family friendly bistro!!!!!!” sign to stick out the front. We’re also looking at getting a Thirsty Camel bottle shop and a place round the back for under age smokers to hang out. It’s all coming together nicely.”

As with any change, some people are resistant. “Well the thing is,” said one player, “I’ve always loved the ambiguity of playing for a football club. People say to me “What do you do?” and I say “I play football” and they say “well how about that Wayne Carey thing eh?” and I say “Who’s Wayne Carey” and they say “He was a footballer” and I say “Well he never played for Victory” and they say “Who are Victory?” and I say “They’re a football team” and they say “They’re not in the AFL” and I say “What’s the AFL?” and they say “I thought you said you played football” and I say “I do” and they say “Like Sam Newman would say: ‘You’re an idiot’” and I say “Who’s Sam Newman?” and they say “He was a footballer” and I say “Well he never played for Victory” and they say “Who are Victory?” and I say “They’re a football team” and they say “They’re not in the AFL” and I say “What’s the AFL?” and they say “I thought you said you played football” and I say “I do” and they say “Like Sam Newman would say: ‘You’re an idiot’” and I say “Who’s Sam Newman”. It can go on like that for hours, if they let me.”

As to whether the venture will pay off, only time will tell. If it does then the Steampackets will look forward to a bright future filled with variety and new players with renewed interest. If it doesn’t then Tuesday and Friday games will be populated by the same smug curmudgeons who will claim that they knew it would never work. Either way there is always a future for the Steampackets.

Rob Jennings,

Steampackets Media Liaison.

The Dollar$hop Steampackets: Skill is not an Option