Look Out Liverpool

Steampackets founder, Luke Roolker, was seen approaching Prime Minister John Howard on his daily walk this morning. It is believed that he is petitioning to have the Geelong Area, or at the very least Steampacket Gardens, to be declared an independent country.

Roolker has already put the paperwork in for Geelong to be declared part of the EEC and is confident that once it has gained freedom from the Commonwealth there should be nothing to stop the Steampackets bid to dominate the world football scene.

“First we get independence from Australia, then we get declared a European country. After that there will be no way the UEFA can deny our membership.” said Roolker, who has tried many times to get the Steampackets into the Champion’s Cup but has been denied on the simple technicality that the club is not European (and once because the Union does not accept applications written in crayon).

The team’s management is confident that the Steampackets will be able to show this week’s surprise champions, Liverpool, a thing or two, should they get the chance.

“We won’t be happy until we’ve made every club in the UEFA run around the pitch with its pants down.”

If you would like to run around the pitch with your pants down, come to Steampacket Gardens every Tuesday and Friday lunchtime.

Rob Jennings,

Steampackets Media Liaison.

The Callista Steampackets: Skill is not an Option

Management’s underhanded plans revealed!

To the casual observer it may have looked like any other day on the Steampacket gardens, as the team gave its all once more, however little did the team know that the Management Committee has begun a new regime of “covert training”.

It has been revealed that it was no casual interest that brought new-comer Rodney Morvell to the Steampackets. He has, in fact, been hired as one of many covert trainers, whose job it is to help the Steampackets improve their skill level, without the “Teacher/Student” environment of a standard clinic. Anyone who has witnessed Rodney’s practical demonstrations of the Off-Side rule now has a much better understanding of how planting a player directly in front of goals can be used to an attacking team’s advantage.

But the newest technique seen on the field this week was displayed by “Guru” Neil. By sticking his leg out in what can only be described as a backward block, Neil performed a manoeuvre that made him look a cross between a professional ten pin bowler and a debutante in the middle of her curtsey. Dubbed the “Vogue Block” by his team mates, Neil says he got his inspiration from Diego Ma(ra)donna, that great South American footballer (and part time pop star) who once sang: “Strike a pose there’s nothing to it.”

If you wish to take part in this osmosis of knowledge, join the team at Steampacket Gardens every Tuesday and Friday

Rob Jennings,

Steampackets Media Liaison.

The Callista Steampackets: Skill is not an Option

Steampacket Shake-up

With the shock resignation of Club Secretary, Tibor Kosa, the Steampackets upper echelons have been thrown into a state of disarray. More than one board member, however, is relishing this as an opportunity for much needed change.

“Frankly he was holding us back” said Adrian Dillon, who looked almost ecstatic. “It is always good to cut out the dead weight and allow some fresh blood into the old dog.”

After many hours in the board-room, drinking West Coast Coolers and watching eighties frat movies, the existing board members came to a decision on a new structure to move the club into the future.

Despite his inability to coherently communicate, or perhaps because of it, Dillon was promoted from his nominal title of Board Member to Club President.

Adrian Roberts, the club’s Manager, was more than happy to incorporate Kosa’s previous role of club Secretary into his own. “Let’s face it, I already know how to send out the emails, and I’m good at dictation.”

The club’s previous president, Kim Mazaraki – who has taken on the newly created task of Treasurer, said he wished Mr. Dillon all the best in his new role. “I hope he chokes on it. It used to be that being president meant something. Now they give it to anyone who’s willing to show a bit of leg.”

The players, on the other hand, are sceptical at best. “This is getting ridiculous” one team member was heard to say. “We’ve had more Org Structure changes than a software company.”

The game, however, must, and will, go on - every Tuesday and Friday at Steampacket Park. All are welcome, though some are more welcome than others.

Rob Jennings,

Steampackets Media Liaison.

The Callista Steampackets: Skill is not an Option