New Groundskeeper

There was outcry from the players this week over the state of the Steampackets’ pitch, pictured. A new groundskeeper has recently been hired and there have been doubts as to his ability.

Treasurer Kim Mazaraki, who is currently conducting research into international pitches, was given free reign with company funds to hire the new keeper. “This guy had done a sterling job on Telstra Dome and he said that he was confident that he could bring a little bit of that magic to the Steampackets,” said Mazaraki in a phone interview. “Personally I think it looks great, just like the pitches they have here in Dubai.”

“I don’t know what to say,” said one anonymous player, when asked about the state of the pitch. “I haven’t actually played in a few months, so I can’t really comment.” When asked why he chose to be interviewed on this particular topic he simply replied, “I always wanted to be interviewed for the telly. This is going on the telly isn’t it?”

Another, more useful, player said, “We thought the new ball was hard, but this is ridiculous. Now when Vale kicks the ball it goes so far that we have to get a lift with the helicopter guy just so we can get it back.”

Of course the Steampackets management are doing everything they can to shift the blame. “It’s all to do with the water restrictions,” said President Adrian Dillon, in one of his more lucid moments. “Apparently we can only water on days that match our address, and so we’re waiting until the Steampacket Parkth of October.”

If you like it hard and fast, then come down to Steampacket Park on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Rob Jennings,

Steampackets Media Liaison.

The Callista Steampackets: Skill is not an Option

Choose Your Own Article

The Steampackets media department is proud to present to you an exciting new feature of the weekly Steampackets articles: Choose Your Own Steampackets-In-Review! Using the text below, replace any text surrounded by triangular brackets <like this> with your own personal text. Who knows, maybe you’ll be the next Steampacket Media Liaison!

There was <emotion> in the <Steampackets Location> as <Steampackets Board Member> introduced a brand new <money making scheme | fundraising event | recruitment drive | lunch menu>.

“<general enthusiastic comment>,” said the Steampackets’ Manager, Adrian Roberts.

Club President, Adrian Dillon, who was <something that costs a lot of money>, released a brief statement saying “<mixed metaphor | something that shows a complete lack of understanding of the topic at hand | preferably both>. <One more stupid comment, because really we can’t get enough of them>.”

The question on everyone lips, however is, <question on everyone’s lips>. For the most part the Steampackets themselves are happy to just keep < playing | eating | sleeping | preparing baked goods>. Of course there is always <general joke about Dinil>.

If you would like to <something punny that may or may not relate to the text above> then come down to Steampacket Park on Tuesdays and Fridays lunchtimes.

<your name here>,

Steampackets’ Media Liaison.

The Callista Steampackets: Skill is not an Option

Newest Steampacket missed the finals.

Drinks flowed freely on the weekend, as the Steampackets were given two causes to celebrate. Saturday not only saw the team win a previously unannounced and entirely impromptu Grand Final by a shocking 1 goal, but also saw the birth of a brand new baby Steampacket.

Elara is the third child of President Adrian Dillon, and in an interview Dillon hinted at possible plans he may have for his ever increasing brood.

“I’m hoping that if I can get Mrs President to squeeze out another few then we won’t have to put up with the whingeing players we currently have. Even by the time the youngest is in kinder they’ll still have more skills than the unfit rabble we have now. That recorder’s not turned on, is it?”

But the Steampackets proved him wrong just a few hours later as they played a gripping match against their long term rivals, the Melbourne Paypackets. Manager Adrian Roberts was ecstatic after the game.

“Over the years we’ve lost a lot of good players to the Paypackets. We also lost McPherson, Kosa, Cook and Hasselhoff. While none of those guys played on the weekend, it was still good to wipe the floor with them.”

With the finals over, the Steampackets have launched themselves into their pre-pre-season games with an energy that can only be described as energetic (assuming you don’t have a large vocabulary).

If you would like to join the Steampackets, and pretend you were a part of their history making victory, then come down to Steampacket Park on Tuesdays and Fridays.

Rob Jennings,

Steampackets Media Liaison.

The Callista Steampackets: Skill is not an Option